When a friend asked me about what happened, I just said that I had to end it before I began to hate him and myself for what I allow HIM to do to me. It was a vague reply, but there was nothing vague about my decision to let go. I only felt that words can never convey how difficult it is to give up on someone you love so much. I could never explain it. I don’t think anyone would even understand.
Sometimes, we often let the people we love get away with hurting us because we think we can’t live without them. We swallow hurts and disappointments to avoid confrontations that might lead to heartbreak. We give too much and expect too little, thinking that we should be thankful for what we have.
I don’t know if I’m too much of a romantic, if I’m too much of a dreamer. It’s true, love can never be measured, and you can never say that the love you feel for someone is greater than the love they feel for you. But what cannot be expressed with words, actions will tell. In the scheme of things, in the world I’ve created, the one I love will always, always be my priority. I would never have to choose. He would know, people would know, I would know that he comes first in everything I do.
And perhaps that’s tragedy of loving this way. You forget yourself. You forget your worth. You forget that you matter. If you’re not his priority, you accept it as a fact, because that’s what people always say. Never expect that someone will love you the way you love them.
I say bullshit. I want to spend my life with someone who I know will always choose me before anything else. I want someone who will love me with the same passion and commitment that I do him. I want someone who will always be there, no matter what.
I can do this for someone. I did this for him. So I know it’s possible. And I know, I deserve to be loved this way.