Honestly.

I’m resigned to the possibility that I will never fall in love again. It’s not only because I’m still in love with you, but more because I know exactly what I want and there can never be two people who are exactly alike, so that means I’m doomed because you’ve always been like my dream come true.

I can see myself growing old and taking care of my nieces. I’ll be their doting gay uncle until my hair is grey and my tattoos would look like liver spots. I can see myself becoming a hermit and just living for good books and music and writing. Of course I’ve got to work but a social life is something I don’t think I can maintain. Besides, I’m virtually friendless. I’ve built my world around you so much so that when we broke up, I didn’t have one soul to run crying to.

I see you falling in love with someone else. You’re young. The world is your playground. You’d achieve great things and I’d quietly cheer from the sidelines. Maybe you’ll remember me but you’re pride will always be there to tell you that I made the wrong decision and that I don’t deserve running after.

I sound bitter and I am, but not as much as you think. My dreams have come to an end and it’s time you lived yours. You can do what you want now with no one to make you feel guilty about it. You can make decisions and not worry about what anyone else would think.

I wish you well. I really do. I want you to be happy because I will do my best to be. I have found my purpose and I’m hoping you find yours because if you don’t, I’m afraid you’ll be lost.

I love you. Probably will for a long, long time. That’s not so bad, I guess. Other people have worse problems. I should be so lucky that all I have to think about is you and how each day would have been different if we were still together.

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10 thoughts on “Honestly.

  1. “I love you. Probably will for a long, long time.”

    yes you will love the person for a long, long time, even without him knowing but eventually, you will meet someone. someone better. do not close your heart 🙂

    hello! i realized you are from cebu too.
    *wink*

  2. Dropping by to tell you just a few words… I am here for you! Hope that made you smile even just for a while. Miss the kulitan days! Parang kelan lang yun. Anyway, take care always! シ

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