In gay lingo (in Cebu, that is), old people are referred to as “gor.” I do not know why that is and for the longest time I thought it was in reference to Mikhail Gorbachev, once president of the Soviet Union. I used to say, “I look so Gorbachev,” and my friends would look at me with confusion on their faces. I thought they got the reference, but apparently, I’m the only one who thinks this way.
Is this post leading anywhere, you ask. Well, yeah, I’m getting there, I think. Over the weekend, I binge-watched The Americans (See? Another Russian reference!) and I was totally enthralled. I couldn’t count the number of times I wasn’t gritting my teeth, wondering if Phillip or Elizabeth were about to get caught. It is the most thrilling, thought provoking, emotional series I’ve seen in a while. I read an interview from the creator of the series and remember him saying that above all, it was about marriage and commitment. And in the midst of everything that happens on this show, the core really is about the principles you hold dear, and when, or even if, you should keep them or let them go.
Which leads me to my next point, which is I do feel so Gorbachev. I mean, I spent the weekend SLEEPING and watching DVDs! This used to be unthinkable, back when I was younger. The CJ of yore would’ve spent the weekend getting drunk, partying, and generally, just having the time of his life. But the truth is, I love the feeling of staying home. I actually WANT to spend my free time in bed, reading, or just watching a movie with the boy. Is this a sign that my heydays are over?
I really don’t know. Sure, I miss going out and getting drunk, and wondering what the hell happened the night before. I miss the days when I would show up at work smelling of booze and falling asleep on my keyboard (No, not really). But even if I do, do I want to go back to that life? Sometimes, I think I do, and I know enough to know that it’s when I feel most insecure about my relationship or my life. But more often than not, I find myself loving this phase. There’s a certain peace about knowing exactly what you want in life. And I think it comes with age, the realization that the things you used to love when you were younger just don’t hold the same allure anymore.
The best thing that I can think of that comes with getting older (and knowing and accepting it) is the fact that I know when to dress appropriately. I think it’s just the saddest thing to see a grown man or woman wearing clothes fit for someone a decade younger. I just want to grab them and talk to them and shop with them. You can look great, no matter what age. But you have to understand your body and your looks for it to work.
Did I lead you anywhere? I thought so. It’s Monday and my mind isn’t really working. 😀 I hope you guys are faring better than I am. Cheers!